


Of All My Skeletons In The Closet

by Pinkstationfrerard



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, High School, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 18:26:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4110715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkstationfrerard/pseuds/Pinkstationfrerard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let's just say, Tyler's dress days were long gone, afterwards invaded by an alien-obsessed drummer in the form of Josh Dun.</p><p>(Featuring trans!Tyler and his favorite flameboy, Joshua.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do You Really Know?

Tyler's feet shuffled back and forth against the crumbling dirt as he swung his legs back and forth, his eyes staring intently at the ground. He was waiting for Josh, hands folding and unfolding uncomfortably in his lap. The sounds of chatter and swarming laughter from the benches around him seemed to close in on Tyler, trapping him, whispering about how lonely he was. How friendless. How pathetic.   
  
Maybe Tyler had a tendency to exaggerate a little bit.   
  
A sad-looking half-eaten granola bar sat on the faded green bench table, Tyler occasionally taking a tiny piece off to chew while he continued to swing his feet and wonder where Josh could possibly be.   
  
"Hey, Ty! Sorry, I had to talk to Mr.Gilsmord after class." Josh's voice popped out of nowhere, the bright flame red-haired boy sliding into the seat across from Tyler. "Apparently my desk doodles have gotten too intense and I had to scrub it clean. The guy has no appreciation for awesome artistic aliens, geez."  
  
Josh rolled his eyes and shrugged his backpack off of his shoulders, white material covered head-to toe in otherworldly doodles. Josh had a little obsession with space, and it was one of the reasons Tyler fawned over him far too often. Josh chewed on his lip and looked across to Tyler, offering him a welcoming smile and reaching across the table to take a bit of Tyler's granola bar and pop it gracefully into his mouth.   
  
"Hey." Tyler breathed, face lifting up into a smile to return to Josh. He felt like he could breathe a little better around Josh, feel less anxious and restless about all of the people around him. The binder didn't help with Tyler's occasional lack of oxygen due to anxiety, the restricting material  tended to build up a strange tightness in Tyler's chest after he wore it too long.   
  
"Sorry- yeah, no, that's fine. Mr.Gil has no taste." Tyler reassured Josh, pushing the lonely granola bar to the middle of the table top as an invitation to share. Tyler wanted to say 'it's fine, but I'm really sorry that I can't be alone for more than five minutes without becoming a nervous wreck'. Of course, Josh already knew this. For some reason, he hadn't left Tyler yet, which the dark-haired boy was thankful for.   
  
Josh let out a huff and unzipped his bag, digging through it for a second before pulling out a black notebook covered in random animal stickers they had both contributed to add some extra life to the object. "I have something for you." Josh said cheerfully, opening the book and rifling through pages full of writing, notes, and more assorted doodles. Josh flipped to a page nearing close to the middle and spun the thing around to proudly present it to Tyler.   
  
"Look, I drew us in a band! Pretty cool, right? I think I kind of butchered your ukulele, though. I gave it five strings." Tyler giggled and lightly flattened down the lined paper with his hand, heart fluttering at the sight of the sketch. Josh wasn't an artist of any drawing medium, but he tended to doodle a lot and draw things to show Tyler. The shorter boy had a hunch that Josh did it just to see the joy it gave Tyler, but of course, he couldn't be sure.   
  
"I love it. You look pretty sick there on the drums if I do say so myself, bro." Tyler said with a laugh, eyes crinkled up in glee just from looking at Josh do the same. Any time Tyler wasn't around Josh, he tended to be a lot less cheerful, more introverted, and way more dysphoric. With him, though, everything had so much more color and life to it. It was kind of cheesy and awesome.   
  
Tyler had never told Josh that he was transgender, but there wasn't really a way that he didn't know by now. Of course, Tyler wanted to tell him. Josh was his best friend, after all, and it wasn't like he would judge Tyler. It was just hard to bring up or talk about because of how embarrassed Tyler felt about it.   
  
It was hard enough living with a constant identity crisis with who he was as a person, let alone any gender crisis. Luckily, that hard part in Tyler's life was mainly over. His new meds were a lot better, his anxiety had decreased, and Tyler had been on hormones for the past 8 months. He'd known Josh for 6 of those, and it was pretty hard to miss all of the intense physical changes on the seventeen year-old unless Tyler was infected with some form of super-puberty that caused his voice to drop twice as deep as it was before within a few months.  
  
They spent as much time as they could together, ordering pizza and playing video games in Josh's room after school and all their free time and mutual classes during it. Tyler had never felt so understood by someone else until Josh, and he loved him. He really did, just a little differently than how Josh would've wanted. At least that's what Tyler's brain constantly chanted at him and forced him to think.   
  
Josh turned his notebook back towards himself and took a last glance before shoving it back in his bag. He opened his smaller pocket and passed out a juice box to Tyler, their usual lunch routine of eating whatever they had stuffed in their bags that morning. Josh murmured a thank you around the straw of his juice, nodding at Tyler rather insistently.  
  
His red hair was somewhat tamed by Josh's backwards cap, but some hairs always tended to stray and sometimes get in Josh's face. The drummer was wearing a random college sweatshirt and black skinny jeans, Josh's usual lazy attire that somehow managed to look so damn good on him that it made Tyler both a little jealous and very tempted to snuggle with the other boy at all times. Well, Josh didn't need to do anything to evoke that urge in Tyler.  
  
Tyler's dress days were long gone. At some point in his life, he had worn extremely feminine things to try and compensate for who he knew he really was, but that didn't last too long before a huge breakdown came along. By freshman year of high school, Tyler had switched to skinny jeans and plain or floral shirts over his binder. Overall, he was a lot more comfortable in his body after he found the courage to be honest with himself and then his family.   
  
Tyler wasn't being completely honest with Josh, though.   
  
The pair had mainly skimmed over topics like sexuality and gender not because it was awkward, but mainly just because it never really came up. They'd talked about both of their insecurities, goals and ambitions, but everything else wasn't ever really relevant.   
  
Tyler didn't know if Josh was even into dudes. Dudes who weren't born as dudes, in Tyler's case. It was pretty stressful to want to "come out" to his best friend and also be scared of it turning Josh off from wanting him or whatever. In the back of his mind, Tyler knew everything would most likely take a turn for the best once he told Josh, but the nagging insecurities persisted over everything else.   
  
Tyler was sick and tired of being afraid.   
  
"Hey.. Are you alright? You're looking pretty lost in thought there, bud." Josh said out of the blue, causing Tyler to be pulled from his thoughts. Josh could always manage to be able to tell when Tyler was beating himself up inside a little too much, and the ability was miraculous in its accuracy.   
  
Tyler glanced up again to reassure Josh, patting the other boy's hand. "I'm okay, it's... Complicated. I'll tell you soon." Josh looked like he wanted to protest to that, but he always knew when to respect certain boundaries. He just nodded, still looking a little worried, but all it took for Josh to smile was a rather dumb-looking facial expression from Tyler, one where he stuck out his tongue and scrunched one eye closed.   
  
"You're so stupid." Josh grunted, rolling his eyes before returning the expression. They sat through the rest of lunch exchanging random facts of information and puns about whales, and Tyler definitely felt a lot better about having to go to class after that.  Josh promised to meet him after school so they could go watch movies at his house, the second part of 'and you can tell me what's really wrong' being left unsaid.

Tyler had a nagging feeling that Josh already knew. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my first time making something into a multi-chapter fic. I appreciate feedback a ton!


	2. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was about time, according to everyone else.

Science was relatively boring, besides Ryan Ross throwing pinches of glitter at Brendon from behind him. It was pretty entertaining to watch for a good five minutes, but it got dull after that. Guitar was pretty much the same, all until Tyler started talking to Patrick (who was a whiz at pretty much everything musical) and the topic of Josh came up. It always seemed to come up, especially with Tyler's distant friends he only ever talked to in class. Somehow, they all wanted the two boys to get together to a massive extent.   
  
"So, uh." Patrick started, fiddling with the strings on one of the school's acoustics. "How have you and Josh been?" He asked non-discreetly, because Patrick was a horrible liar and a terrible person when it came to hinting. He really just didn't seem to know how to grasp those things.   
  
"Just get out with it, dude. I know you guys all talk about us, your table is really close to ours at lunch." Tyler sighed, picking up his ukulele and tiredly strumming a few chords. He just wanted to go home- to Josh's, get this burden of telling Josh off his chest, and then worry some more about Josh not liking him some more. Just the usual.   
  
Patrick's cheeks went pink and he stared intently at his instrument for a second. "Well, uh- I was talking to Josh today, and he was going on about how you weren't telling him something important, but he thought he knew what it was, blah blah blah- but anyways, first, not like it's my business-" Patrick paused for a second to take a shaky breath in. He tended to be a very nervous speaker, just like Tyler, who was waiting patiently for Patrick to finish.  
  
"You should get that cleared up, but you also really need to know that he's like, totally in love with you. Not to act like a middle schooler or anything, like, 'cmon, we're juniors, but still. I can tell." Patrick finished, looking somewhat satisfied as he also completed his mission of tuning his guitar. Tyler let out a huff and stared the ground, trying to come up with a proper response.   
  
"Thanks, dude. I'm... working on it. But, you gotta realize that you're being a hypocrite, right?"   
  
Patrick looked confused at that, his mouth popping open for a second before he was face planted into the couch he was sitting on, a hoodie-covered Pete Wentz in a two-person dogpile as he launched himself onto Patrick rather enthusiastically. The guitar was knocked to the ground with a loud twang, drawing a couple interested stares from their bored classmates surrounding them.   
  
"Peter!" Patrick shrieked, arms flailing out from the sides of where Pete wasn't crushing him. His voice was muffled by Pete's chest, which didn't look like it was going to be detached from Patrick's face without a bit of force. "What are you doing here?" Patrick grumbled, hands desperately trying to pry Pete off of him. Tyler just giggled, hands covering his mouth. Oh, Patrick was going to kill both him _and_ Pete.   
  
This was what Tyler had meant when he called Patrick a hypocrite. Whenever the topic of Pete was brought up without the impulsive, dark-haired boy nearby, Patrick would always blush and hide his face as well as possible. He did the same around Pete himself, only with a more irritated or fake angry glance in his eye.  
  
"I came to see my favorite Trickster! 'Cmon, don't scold me, it's the last class of the day and I have Mrs.Fry. You know how pregnant ladies are when combined with the public education system." Pete huffed, peeling himself off of Patrick to sit up but still insisting on wrapping his legs around the other boy's torso. It wasn't unusual for Pete to cut classes just to spend time with Patrick. In fact, it was unheard of to have a week where Pete _didn't_ do it.   
  
Every time someone mentioned Pete's actions or just Pete in general, Patrick would groan and complain like he didn't think anyone knew he loved all the attention from Pete. He had an obsession with Patrick, eyeliner, flat irons and skinny jeans, all the more reason for Patrick to pretend to not be attracted to him in the slightest. It was pretty cute and kind of hilarious.   
  
They were as obvious as Tyler and Josh, except with more physical assault involved.   
  
Patrick giggled and tried to wriggle his way out of Pete's tight grip with his calves, quite unsuccessfully to say the least. "Look, you hurt the poor guitar." Patrick wined, face pulling into a pout. Pete leaned in to give an apology peck on Patrick's cheek, and it only made the pale boy blush even harder and refuse to even look at Pete. "Sorry, babe. Didn't mean to hurt you or your child." Pete snickered, wrapping his arms around Patrick, too, just to trap him even further.   
  
"You guys are gross. Get a room." Tyler smirked, turning on the couch to lay down and try remember how to play any actual songs that he didn't write while Patrick screamed bloody murder and ignored the fact that he was a filthy, _filthy_ liar.   
  
Tyler missed Josh and his charming smile, his comfortable legs to lay on and that fuzzy hair that always smelled like strawberries. Tyler sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket, ignoring Pete and Patrick's petty argument while he texted Josh.   
  
_'Pat n Pete r trying to kill me. Pls save me? Music room?'_  
  
A response came almost immediately, causing Tyler to smile uncontrollably.   
  
_'On my way'._  
  
It only took a few minutes before Josh was opening the door and stepping into the music room, eyes scanning until he found Tyler and met his eyes. Their teacher tended to not care who came in or out, which Tyler could only explain with the excuse of public school. Either way, Tyler wasn't going to complain, he and Josh pulled many "Pete"'s where they joined each other's classes randomly, to the point where Tyler's mom just excused the absences as long as he was getting good grades.   
  
"Hey, Tilly!" Josh beamed, settling down on the end of the couch and lifting Tyler's legs to put them in his own lap. Tyler scoffed and shuffled his whole body around so his head rested in Josh's lap instead of his feet, causing the redhead to throw his head back in laughter. "I should've known I'm only a warm body to you. I guess I'll have to make do." Josh rhymed, resting one of his hands on Tyler's head to lightly scratch and pet at his scalp. It always turned the dark-haired boy into complete mush, and he occasionally drooled right on Josh's crotch. That action wasn't intentional, but Tyler very much enjoyed it all the same.   
  
Pete and Patrick cut off from their own little world to say hi to Josh, Patrick exchanging knowing looks with the sleepy-eyed Tyler. He didn't know what Patrick expected him to do, anyways. Confess his love? Tell Josh, "hey I really like you but I'm really clingy when it comes to you and am always afraid that one thing will make you leave me? Kiss me, maybe?" It just didn't work that way in Tyler's world, and he was already too freaked out to tell Josh he didn't have a dick. Which wasn't really all that important, but still.  
  
At least Patrick wasn't a dick about it, he just silently judged them and their inability to communicate like he wasn't doing the exact same thing with Pete.   
  
They sorted off into their own little pairs for the rest of class, Josh scrolling through an app on his phone while rubbing Tyler's back. Tyler just laid there and enjoyed the contact, breathing quietly with his eyes fluttered shut. He felt like a cat, and it was pretty great.   
  
Every time Josh's hand brushed his binder, Tyler had to force himself to not stiffen up, to not cause Josh to be worried- but all in all, it was a weird thing to wear if you were a dude. Tyler didn't like feeling out of place, even though he knew he would always be that way in some aspect. Simple as that.   
  
Meaningless worrying aside, school ended pretty quickly after that. Tyler and Josh walked together to Josh's place, occasionally bumping shoulders or brushing their hands together. Their levels of physical contact always increased outside of school, since Tyler too nervous about what other people thought to really go for it during school. Insecurities like that always got the best of Tyler- he tried to not let it affect him, but Josh was more than happy to reassure him that he was validated. It wasn't like they were a couple, anyways.  
  
Everything seemed relatively normal and peaceful until they got into Josh's room. They said hello to his mom, stole a few things from the cupboards and made their way to Josh's room, but once inside, the red head's expression tightened and he crossed his arms after settling down everything. It was so sudden, so serious, and Tyler had to sit down on the bed to prepare himself for the worst.   
  
"Okay, Tyler-" Josh pushed his hair back, looking stressed and frazzled as he played with the brim of his hat. He paced the room, feet shuffling as he kicked his shoes off at the same time. "Look, I know you said you had to tell me something, but I have something to get out first. Just- just promise you won't freak out, please?" Josh said in a surprisingly weak voice, face drawn right with worry.   
  
Tyler's heart was beating at a million miles an hour. What on earth could have compelled this sudden burst of anxiety from Josh? It didn't make sense, he seemed so normal on the walk home. From the outside, at least.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, Josh. I promise. Please just.. Come sit down?" Tyler squeaked out, biting his lip in worry. Josh sighed and flopped down onto the bed, crossing his legs and fidgeting with his fingers in his lap.   
  
"So, I- I know there's something you can't tell me, and I respect that, ok. Whenever you're ready. But the thing is-" Josh paused, staring intently at his lap and pushing himself to confine. Tyler remained silent, nervous but patient. "I love you. Which, you know that. But I'm like- I'm in love with you, ok? And I don't know how to get this out any other way without it being awkward or whatever-" Tyler cut Josh off with a surprised little squeak, voice running thin and searching for words.   
  
Josh nervous, Josh unable to compose himself and find the right emotion to express.   
  
Josh _in love_ with him.   
  
Tyler didn't know what to say because there were so many things he'd been meaning to tell Josh for the longest time. In his surprised silence, a few years ran down Tyler's cheeks, wet, hot tears that he could stop or control.   
  
"Ty, I'm so sorry- are you o-okay?" Josh stuttered nervously, trying is best to read Tyler. It didn't work very well, for once.   
  
Tyler threw his arms around Josh's shoulders, knocking him down on the bed in surprise. He buried his face in Josh's chest, tears of joy spilling onto the material. "Oh god- I'm in love with you, too." Tyler gasped finally, lifting his face up from Josh's chest to meet the redhead nose-to-nose. Josh giggled from under him, face relaxing from all the worry.   
  
"I'm glad. Man, I couldn't keep that in much longer. Do you... Do you want to be my best brofriend? It's like a boyfriend, but just bros. No homo." Josh said with a grin, touching their foreheads together. Tyler gave Josh a tiny peck as a response, both of them smiling at each other before Josh pulled Tyler's head down for a proper kiss, slow and sweet. Tyler shifted, tangling their legs together.   
  
"I'd like that." Tyler whispered against Josh's lips, sitting upright and peeling himself off of Josh. Through all his happiness, Tyler knew right then and there that it was the right time to tell Josh.   
  
"Josh, what I've been to scared to tell you is... I'm transgender. Not born knowing I was a dude, whatever. A-and I know I should've told you a long time ago, but I've just- just been too scared. Not because I don't trust you, but mainly because of m-myself." Tyler said as clearly as he could, voice still managing to shake and tremble as he spoke. This time, they made eye contact, Josh's face unchanging. It freaked out Tyler a little- he'd been expecting a reaction, something to let him know how Josh was feeling.   
  
"I know. Do you wanna order pizza or something? We can make out, too. If you want."  
  
That certainly was not the reaction Tyler was expecting. His mouth dropped open involuntarily as he gaped at Josh, the other boy's expression unchanging. "You... You knew? H-how?" He managed to stutter out, brows furrowed in confusion.   
  
"Tyler, your voice is too cute and mouse-like to be real, and you don't have any baby pictures in existence around the house. Plus, I can feel your binder, dude. Wasn't hard to figure out after the first week or so." Josh huffed, pulling Tyler in for a half-hug. "I love you. I love you no matter what, I don't care if you're a boy or a girl or about what's in your pants. It doesn't matter." Josh said gently, laying little kisses to Tyler's forehead and shifting down to his neck.   
  
Tyler was caught so off guard that he felt like he was going to start crying again, oh god. He couldn't have wished for a better reaction, and his face felt like it was going to split into two.   
  
"God, I love you so much, you have no idea. Thank you." Tyler whispered, face lifting up to kiss Josh, caress the other boy's face and whimper into his mouth. It all felt so good, so amazing to finally have so much lifted off his chest at once. Tyler didn't think he'd ever been happier.  
  
"I love you too." Josh repeated the words like he could never get tired of them, hands tangling in Tyler's short hair as they kissed gently. They pulled away reluctantly after a few minutes to catch their breaths, smiling like idiots.   
  
"What exactly did you think I was keeping from you?" Tyler asked, twirling his finger in a loose red strand of hair that stuck out more awkwardly than the rest. He was straddling Josh's lower stomach, the other boy sitting semi-propped up on some pillows.  
  
"That you were trans, definitely. I just.. Couldn't figure out why you didn't ever tell me, y'know? I need you to trust me." Josh said softly, staring into Tyler's eyes softly as he spoke.   
  
"I'm sorry." Tyler mumbled, butting his head into Josh's chest. The other boy grumbled and pulled Tyler back up by his chin, locking their eyes together against.   
  
"Don't be sorry. Really." Josh said firmly, gaze narrowed. Tyler sighed, sitting back and hooking his knees over Josh's broad shoulders. "Alright, ok. We're good, yeah?" Tyler mumbled, throwing his head back onto Josh's thighs so he was almost completely laying on the other boy.   
  
His brofriend. How cute.   
  
"We're the best." Josh giggled, grabbing his phone from the side of the bed.   
  
"How about we order some of that pizza, Spooky Jim?" Josh grinned and pulled out his phone, beaming like an idiot. Tyler realized he was doing the exact same thing.  
  



	3. Tensions and Round 2 of Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh was tired of Tyler not trusting him.

  
After dating for two months, Tyler and Josh became so much closer that it was starting to gross everyone out. Even Pete, which was pretty impressive considering the fact that he ate things off the ground all the time because of his "five minute rule" and because ever since he and Patrick had finally gotten together, they'd done nothing but make out or sneak off to make out or do other, dirtier things in all of the available nooks and crannies of the school. They were both such big, nasty hypocrites, and Tyler told them off as such.  
  
It didn't really matter, though, because Josh was his boyfriend. After liking him for so long, they'd finally gotten together, and Tyler couldn't be happier. They also happened to one day switch from sitting all by themselves to sitting with the band geeks, who had all moved from their neighbor bench to the band room at lunch. It was chaotic and beautiful, and Tyler finally had real friends of his own to hang out with besides Josh. Not that he didn't love his boyfriend, of course.   
  
The group consisted of Patrick, Pete, Ryan, Brendon, Mark, and always a few stragglers such as Spencer. It was too many names for Tyler to keep track of, so he and Josh mainly hung out with Mark if they were to talk to anyone else. Besides, Brendon was too energetic to handle, so they all had an excuse to be a little group of loners talking about influential pop music.   
  
For once, life was.. good. Tyler no longer woke up just to look in the mirror and hate the face he was looking at- it wasn't her face anymore. He'd started growing a bit of stubble, one small victory for him and Josh to high-five about. Tyler's features had definitely become more masculine over the months, and Tyler was happy. Mostly.   
  
Even after clearing everything up, there was a big elephant in the room, and it's name was sex.   
  
Tyler only really felt it himself when he and Josh were alone together, when kissing started getting heavier and Tyler had to find some excuse to break away. He was so embarrassed about his body that he just couldn't. He couldn't stand thinking about it, and Tyler knew he was hurting Josh when he wouldn't say what was wrong.   
  
Josh had to have got it by now, though. He was usually too respectful to bring up topics Tyler was uncomfortable with until it got to a point where it was ridiculous, and Tyler could tell it was nearing that point. Sometimes, when Josh would touch him, Tyler would flinch away and the poor red-headed boy would pull his hand away like he'd been burnt.   
  
As usual, Tyler was hurting others just because he was scared. He was hurting Josh.   
  
He just wanted to be happy without being afraid, afraid of Josh really seeing that Tyler wasn't the boy he wanted to be and it just hurt both of them in the process.   
  
There came a day when Tyler was particularly distant, both of them sitting on opposite sides of the bed for no voiced reason. Josh could tell when Tyler needed his space, usually, and that day Tyler didn't even know what he needed. Most likely just a talk, which was what Josh started.   
  
"Tyler, please." He sounded desperate, and Tyler unfurled from his little ball to watch Josh set his book down. He looked hurt, so worried, and Tyler's heart broke a little bit inside of his chest. "Please, just tell me what I'm doing wrong. I know something's bothering you, and that it's because of something I'm doing, and-" Josh breathed in a shaky breath, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. "-and I can't stand to see you so torn up."  
  
Tyler felt guilty. He was guilty beyond belief, and everything Josh was worried about wasn't even his fault.   
  
"Josh, it's- it's not you, it's me. That sounds like I want to break up, which I don't- just, uhm, hear me out please?" Tyler said quietly, sitting up and mimicking Josh by crossing his legs. Josh said silent, patient, face still looking pained as he waited for Tyler to explain himself. "I- I'm afraid of anyone seeing my body, Josh. It just makes me feel less real, less validated. I don't know, I stopped beating myself up when seeing myself, but someone else- that's different."  
  
Tyler wasn't sure if Josh looked more hurt or relieved. It was a bit of a mix, but it still wasn't a good expression. Josh licked his lips and fiddled with his thumbs, like he wasn't sure where to put his hands. "Tyler, do you- do you think I'll judge you? Or pressure you into anything you don't want to do? Sometimes I just wanna touch you because I can, and I want to kiss you because I like to, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna force myself onto you." Josh sighed, face falling to stare at his own lap. The guilt didn't wash away from Tyler, it just kept coming back for seconds, thirds.   
  
"No!" Tyler protested sharply, voice sounding unfamiliar. "No, I mean- I know. I know you wouldn't do that, but still. I don't want you to leave me or be disappointed t-that I'm not the boy you thought I w-was." Tyler's argument sounded weak and pathetic. He drew his knees up to his chest, hugging his body into a little Tyler-shaped ball. Josh looked like he was trying so hard to not touch Tyler to reassure him, and he had to ball his fists just to stop himself.   
  
Josh's clenched fists slammed against the bed mattress, and Tyler realized that that was the first time he had ever seen Josh angry. His face curled with rage, white teeth bared. "You think- you think I'd ever leave you because of something so petty? I fucking _love_ you, Tyler, not because you have a fucking vagina, but because of you. I hate feeling like I'm not goddamn good enough, not trusted enough for you to confide in me!"  
  
It was two firsts in a row. Tyler had never, ever heard Josh swear before- nothing so vulgar at least. They both were content without swearing, even in situations that normally seemed appropriate. Tyler's body shuddered and he burst into tears, throwing his head onto the bed sheets to muffle the sound of his loud sobs. Josh was angry- angry at him. Josh never got angry.   
  
There was a soft touch at the base of his back, a few gentle fingers that tested the surface. Tyler didn't pull away, just kept crying into the bed and clenching the sheets. "Tyler? Tyler, I'm sorry- I didn't mean to get angry, I'm not mad at you, not really. I'm sorry." Josh pleaded, voice sounding broken. Tyler just wanted to fix it, fix all his insecurities. He crawled into Josh's lap, letting the other boy stroke his back in a way that soothed both of them until Tyler could calm down.   
  
"I-" Tyler sniffed, lifting his head up to meet Josh's eyes. He was embarrassed, he wanted to be alone, but he knew that backing away from Josh would only make things worse. He was just embarrassed to be such a mess. "Josh." He managed to whimper out weakly, raising a hand to cup Josh's jaw gently. Josh seemed to understand, and he laid kisses across Tyler's forehead, his nose, his cheeks, one on his lips.   
  
"Everything is going to be okay." Josh promised.   
  
Tyler was starting to believe him. **  
**


	4. Exploring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Even tentacles?'

After Josh's outburst, the two managed to make up pretty easily, and Tyler wasn't really afraid of himself anymore. It was like a switch flipped, and he could really trust Josh. Over spring break, they spent nearly every day coming up with songs together, and on Thursday, Tyler decided to show off the one he wrote about Josh.   
  
"I don't care what's in your hair, I just want to know what's on your mind." Tyler sang to Josh, strumming his ukulele along to his lyrics. "I used to say I wanna die before I'm old, but because of you I might think twice."   
  
He'd shed his nervousness throughout the peace, losing himself in the music and in Josh's expression. By the end of it, Josh was looking.. Proud? Hungry? All of the above?  
  
Josh leaned forward once Tyler put his ukulele down on the bed, grabbing his face for a deep kiss. "Wow. That was fantastic." Josh sighed, laying his head on Tyler's chest.   
  
"I didn't think you'd be so happy about it, but no complaints here." Tyler giggled, hands resting on Josh's shoulder blades. "I wrote it for you, just like all those wonderful drum solos dedicated to me. Thank you for that, by the way, I can always appreciate a shirtless Josh and a good beat." Josh shook under his hands with laughter, a deep chuckle that seemed to vibrate throughout his whole body.   
  
"Oh, really? You're very welcome, mister Joseph." Josh leered, face lifting up to reveal a smirk. Josh was pretty much always shirtless, sometimes a little sweaty if he was previously on his electric set. Not that Tyler was complaining, because he really wasn't. Josh chuckled again and pressed a few kisses to Tyler's collarbones, over the little baby hickeys he had left there the other day. Turns out, Tyler really liked being bitten, to the extent that it was probably a little problem.   
  
Josh was just pretty skin all over, the color somewhere in between being pale and tan. Tyler didn't quite know what to do with all of it, so he just explored as much as he could. In fact, Josh was utterly gorgeous, and sometimes Tyler wondered how he managed to snatch up someone so utterly pretty. And nice, of course. Personality was key.   
  
Josh's fingers tangled in Tyler's hair as he started sucking darker bruises onto the pale skin. It was always covered in shirts, and it gave Tyler the most horrible tan line. He gasped at the contact and the light scrape of teeth, the sharp bit of pain that Tyler felt a little bad for liking. It was probably because of the faded scars on his legs and how long it had been since he'd used pain to try provide some sort of pleasure.   
  
Josh played with the binder under Tyler's t-shirt, fingers wandering over the hem of the fabric. Tyler knew that nothing he didn't want would happen, but after so much messing around and making out and touching beforehand, Tyler really wanted. "Y-you can take it off, y'know." Tyler said quietly, pulling sharply on Josh's hair to lift the other boy's head up from his neck to meet in a kiss.   
  
Josh looked like sin itself with wet, parted lips and dark eyes. His nose ring glinted a little in the afternoon light, most shadows dull because of Tyler's navy blue curtains that matched his bed. Tyler sometimes forgot how hot Josh was until times like these- where they were slow and intimate, breaths drawled out and Josh's light stubble scratching Tyler's cheek.   
  
He had to admit, it was kind of disappointing that this was the farthest they'd ever gone. Josh smoothly reached around to Tyler's back where he unhooked the binder, little clips like one on a bra. Tyler wasn't too nervous, for once. Even though Josh had never seen much more than his stomach and arms, there wasn't anything to be afraid of, just that usual anticipation when they tried out something new together. Tyler let out a slow, steady breath as he slipped his shirt off, letting Josh take off his binder.   
  
"This ok?" Josh asked quietly while slowly tugging the fabric up, waiting for a nod of approval. Tyler hummed in agreement, lifting his arms up as an invitation. Josh looked a little too gleeful to get his mouth on Tyler's nipples, pretty and pink and even better looking with Josh's mouth on them.   
  
So, yeah, maybe Tyler could live with having tits for a little bit longer if Josh enjoyed them. It wasn't like Tyler hated them anymore, he just lived with his body for now. He was a B cup anyways, more perk than size, so it wasn't too hard to appear flat-chested with his binder. It felt really good to feel to utterly worshipped, Josh's tongue flickering over Tyler's nipples and his hands tracing the dark haired boy's torso and all of its shapes and bends that were slowly fading away with time and testosterone.   
  
The sight was really, really hot. Something about Josh's mouth or the hungry look in his eyes twisted and turned something inside of Tyler, made him feel all warm and tingly, hunger that coursed through his body and spread to the fingertips that gripped Josh's flame-red hair.  
  
Josh could tell when Tyler started to get restless with all of the little wines and shift of his hips, hands fumbling and begging for more. "Please, Josh." Tyler gasped, tugging on the faded red hair once again. Josh looked up at Tyler with glee and a hint of a smirk, lips lifting up from Tyler's hips.   
  
"Please what, Tyler? C'mon, don't be rude. Be specific." Josh purred, nose nuzzling into the zipper of Tyler's jeans. Tyler's thighs felt a little shaky from the want, the need for Josh's mouth in other places. "Please, no more teasing." Tyler begged, eyes screwing shut tightly. Thank god Josh started tugging off his pants after that, this time nuzzling at Tyler through his striped boxers, the bastard.   
  
"That counts, Josh." Tyler whined, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. Just the pure feeling of Josh sliding off the material to kiss at his thighs made Tyler feel weak, and he didn't know how he could handle looking at it. Josh didn't waste much time quickly nipping at Tyler's thighs before teasing a stripe up his cunt, mouth prodding for that little spot that would send shivers up Tyler's spine.  
  
It only took a couple more moments until Tyler was moaning softly and gripping Josh's back with his legs tightly, face gone slack as Josh sucked on that little bundle of nerves that felt practically euphoric in his gorgeous mouth. Tyler rocked his hips lightly against the contact, squeezing his own nipples and staring down at Josh. When the redhead looked up and met Tyler's half-lidded gaze, he outright groaned with his mouth still a little preoccupied.   
  
Tyler couldn't even worry about how his parts didn't even feel right because of how amazing it felt, so warm and tingly. Josh's mouth was moving against him, slick with assorted bodily fluids. Surprisingly, it wasn't gross like Tyler had thought it would be for Josh. He seemed to be enjoying himself quite a lot, licking, humming and sucking on Tyler's sweet spot like it was some sort of candy. Tyler had spent plenty of time thinking about this exact scenario in his free time to come up with this hypothesis only to be proved wrong, not that he was complaining.

It seemed to pool in his stomach all too soon. Josh gave him another one of those filthy looks along with careful flicks of his tongue that made Tyler's head practically spin with how good it felt. He whimpered, thighs trembling and voice scratchy. Tyler's back arched and he came with Josh's mouth and tongue still working over his little nub enthusiastically, a sweet pressure that drew out Tyler's whimper into a long moan. Josh worked a single finger inside of Tyler as he came, long digits making Tyler all the more sensitive.

  
Normally when Tyler touched himself, it took a few orgasms before he was as sore as this. He felt a little dizzy laying there with his legs spread, Josh laying in-between them and licking his lips.   
  
"Yummy." The red-head said with a smirk, flashing his boyfriend a smile. "Oh god." Tyler groaned, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling once again. "Oh, and you don't care what's in my pants? BS, you enjoyed that very much, good sir." Tyler muttered, waiting for shirtless Josh to come join him in an embrace. Josh just chuckled from down under, in the same position as before. "I don't care as in it doesn't matter what. Whatever you have is cool with me, your body is pretty cool either way." Josh giggled, butting his chin against Tyler's thigh.   
  
"Even tentacles?"   
  
"Even tentacles. That's kind of kinky, though." Josh huffed.   
  
Tyler giggled, feeling wonderful and still a little bit horny and definitely needy for attention. "C'mon, what are you still doing down there?" He asked, beckoning to Josh.  
  
"I uh, didn't want to pressure you into getting me off. Just gimme a few. The sight of you looking at me with those eyes just- and wow, your mouth, Ty." Josh rambled, cheek pressed against Tyler's leg. And, ok, it was kind of ridiculous that Josh had given all this attention to Tyler and he hadn't done anything in return, right? Tyler knew it would be hard to muster up the energy, but still, he wanted.   
  
"You're sweet, but I want to. Please?" Tyler pouted, mustering the sweetest voice he could manage. Damn his vocal chords. Josh just rolled his eyes, crawling up to snuggle with Tyler but not letting his boyfriend touch him. Josh was obviously pretty hard still, and Tyler craved it a little bit. Josh insisted on just cuddling, though, which was perfectly fine with him.   
  
"You're my cute little mouse boy and I love you." Josh sighed, wrapping his muscular arms around Tyler's waist as he settled his head into the soft flesh above Tyler's armpit. They fit together so well as usual, the warm air relaxing Tyler's bones and making him feel extra sleepy. "Love- love you tooooooo." He yawned in the middle of his response, lifting up a free hand to cover his mouth.   
  
"C'mon, mouse boy. Let's get under the covers, yes? It's the respectable thing to cover you up. Here I am in shorts, how rude." Josh peeled himself off of Tyler and burrowed both of them under the messy, half-strewn blankets on the bed, resuming their previous position.   
  
Tyler found himself soon drifting off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep without a worry on his mind. **  
  
**


	5. Boys Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some short, cute day-after fluff, and, well... consider it the calm before the storm.

  
"Tyler, I made pancakes! Do you and Josh want some?" Tyler was awoken with a startle as his mom knocked on the door to his room, Josh groaning in protest beside him. He was naked, and Josh was half naked, and oh god, his mom only let Josh sleep over because she thought they weren't going to do anything sexual anytime soon.   
  
"Yeah, mom. One second, ok? I'll wake him up." Tyler called back, praying that his mom wouldn't walk in. Once he heard footsteps walking away, Tyler leaned down to kiss Josh's head and shake him awake. "C'mon, sleepy dun. Let's go get breffs." Tyler felt a little silly talking to Josh in such a mushy way, but they both seemed to take a not-so-secret liking to it. Josh mumbled again, this time popping his eyes open. "Whhaassuaahhuah."  
  
"What?" Tyler said, smiling and drawing his brows tight in amusement. "Not a morning person, Jishwa?"  
  
"Why are you waking me up." Josh said blankly, voice crackly and deep from misuse. He breathed in deeply and sat up on the bed, blinking a few times and rubbing his eyes before looking at Tyler. "You're naked."  
  
"Obviously." Tyler said, rolling his eyes. "Get up and get dressed before my mom actually walks in and I die of embarrassment."  
  
Josh sighed, looking deflated. He seemed to have no argument against that, so he reluctantly pulled the covers away and slid his legs to the edge of the bed. "I don't want you dead, believe it or not. I'd have no one else to yell 'hey, pretty boy!' at, so I'm at a loss here." Josh chuckled, slowly crawling out of bed and finding his way to the discarded red t-shirt on the floor. He'd found his humor for the morning, which usually didn't start up until coffee or at least 15 minutes of animalistic eating, so Tyler felt pretty successful with the morning so far.   
  
Both of them got dressed (Tyler taking significantly longer, considering his style wasn't just "throw on a t-shirt and go with it") and they eventually made their way to the breakfast table to make slightly awkward eye contact next to Tyler's mom. It was a little strange to look at your mom as she talked to your boyfriend who had eaten you out the previous afternoon in a few rooms away from said mother, so Tyler was prone to a bit of tenseness within good reason.   
  
Speaking of which, Tyler still felt a little guilty not getting Josh off, but the other boy was very understanding. They ate their breakfast and made small talk before returning to Tyler's room, Josh stuffing remote control cars into a random backpack.   
  
"Park time?" Tyler asked curiously, hands on his hips. Josh nodded and pulled on his backwards hat in addition to his outfit, looking gorgeous as ever. Tyler put his hands on Josh's chest and he kissed his boyfriend gently on the way out, grabbing Josh's hand and leading them both out of the front door after saying goodbye to Tyler's parents.  
  
They spent a lot of weekends at this park, swinging and climbing and causing havoc to young children who wanted to play on any of the equipment. Josh loved kids and was absolutely adorable with them, always making them giggle just like Josh did to Tyler.   
  
They raced their remote control race cars, Josh yelling at how Tyler was a filthy cheater after he won. Tyler just stuck his tongue out playfully, squeaking in alarm when Josh put his lips over the muscle.   
  
"You're disgusting!" Tyler yelled, pushing Josh away on the bench they were sitting at. "I'm breaking up with you after that. Gross."  
  
Josh rolled his eyes, doing figure eights around the swing set poles with his car while Tyler tried to ruin Josh's cycle quite unsuccessfully.   
  
It was pretty much a daily occurrence that they would hang out and joke about killing each other, all until Tyler's eyes flickered up for a second and met Josh's loving gaze, the kind that melted hearts. His red-haired boyfriend looked like he'd been pulled directly out of a romance movie. Tyler couldn't have been more in love.   
  
"I love you."  
  
Josh looked up from his remote control, eyes crinkled up and that damn smile plastered on his face.   
  
"I love you, too."  
 **  
**

* * *

* * *

 

 

The pair of boys spent a few hours before deciding that they needed to head back for food purposes, both of their stomachs rumbling. Maybe Josh's was just on overtime. Either way, it was cold, and he wasn't going to steal Josh's hoodie because wearing two was just kind of selfish.

Walking into the house, Tyler noticed a severe absence of where his mom should be, cooking or dancing to horrible 80's hits or forcing Tyler's dad to watch equally terrible spanish soap operas.

It was eerily quiet.

"Mom?" Tyler called out weakly, Josh rushing past him to the kitchen without noticing his boyfriend's slight unease.

Kelly Joseph appeared out of her room with her husband at her side, staring gravely down at her son. Tyler's dad looked equally exhausted in his quieter nature, eyes sad and posture slumped. "Oh, Tyler, honey," Kelly said tentatively, biting her lip and pulling at the pale yellow sleeve of her blouse.

"Mom? Dad? Whats wrong? Tell me." Tyler asked, face pulled tight with worry. His heart was hammering in his chest, fingers twitching nervously. Damn his anxious nature.

"Ty..." His dad grunted, eyes falling down. "We just got off the phone with the insurance company."

"Oh?"

Josh appeared in the corner of Tyler's eye, empty-handed and as equally worried as Tyler. He was silent as he took his boyfriend's clammy hand in his own to offer support in any way he could manage. This just made Tyler's mom look even sadder. She sighed and looked at her husband for confirmation, who nodded his head, quick and sharp.

"Tyler, your hormone treatments are no longer supported by our plan, and... and we can't afford to change companies to one that'll help for at least another two months." His mom said in a weak voice, shoulders slumping as she looked at Tyler apologetically.

"Two months." Tyler echoed, feeling Josh's hand tighten in his own. His stomach plummeted and his mouth fell open, eyes tightening and growing with the familiar hot feeling that meant he was going to start crying. He _couldn't_ cry, couldn't do this, not in front of his already blatantly pained and strained parents.

No testosterone for two months after all the progress Tyler had made.

Tyler  _wasn't_ going to cry.

He couldn't.


End file.
